Why am

I so bad at doing things I know I should?

Such is the question that has plaguing me recently. Well, let's be honest, pretty much my whole life. But it's taken a much more prevalent role in the past couple years.

A: "When did it start?"
B: "Spring, freshman year."
A: "O__O"
B: "Yeah, I know."

I used to think it's been to push my limits, to see what I could handle. But I've found I can stay up late and still function. I've found (my first semester at UA) that I can get away with not doing everything and still get away with a 3.0+ GPA.

B: "I don't take very good care of myself."
A: "Why is that?"

I don't know, person A. I just don't know. Cuss. For no good reason. Well, I guess there's never a good reason for not taking care of yourself. I played Borerlands until 1, then started listening to the songs we're doing Sunday, got distracted with listening to other music, and just now got back to listening Sunday's covers.

B: "I'll do better, I swear."
A: "Don't swear anything. No promises, no swears. Just do it."

I'm good with words. I'm a smooth talker (well, I can be). So far that's all I've done. The challenge to prove myself has presented itself all semester long. And I haven't risen to the occasion.

A: "Nobody cares how late you stay up, or how little work you can do. We only care that you do your best."
B: "*Well, frick. Nothing I can say to that...*"

So that's where I'm at right now. You're very wise person A. Use your head more, person B. There's too much going on up there to just ignore. That's not just me or my attempt at putting myself on a pedestal (in case you didn't catch that, I'm person B). Everyone is just as capable as everyone else. It all comes down to how much work you're willing to put into it. Into school. Into your job. Into life.

A: "You're better than this."

You're right.

There are

so many things that I want to say, that I feel would be worth hearing/reading. This seems a bit pretentious, though, perhaps not untrue. Is it overly egotistical if one feel there is worth and importance of one's findings? Did Newton think to himself "Holy frick, this is going to change absolutely everything about physics" when he discovered gravity? Did George Washington Carver pick up a peanut and tell all his friends "I will revolutionize the world with this delicious snack"? If he did, did all his friends think he was a raging douchebag? Hard to say.

In any case, my most recent life-conclusion (if you'd like to call it that) is one of character development. Not in a story, but internally. I've decided noone should become stagnant. And by that I mean there should always be some level of discontentment within yourself that pushes, encourages, causes you to strive to be more, do better, work harder. But you should also be proud of your accomplishments, what you have achieved in life and who you are today. To attain balance between discontentment and pride is quite a feat that I don't think anyone truly reaches.

So what have I done since coming to said conclusion? Well, I've done many a chin-up and thought several times about reading a book or two. And I've downloaded quite a few new musics. Oh, and torn it up in Geometry Wars 2. I eat up geoms like nobody's business. Srsly. I will blow. Your. Mind. And updated my relationship status on Facebook. I'm working on it, alright?

I think I'll stop there for tonight. I have to wake up early tomorrow so I can give my girlfriend a wake up call to make sure she gets up and studies.

Oh man. I have a girlfriend now.

Best part of coming back.

"Kris, I like you. And I want you to know, if I had to choose between you and not you, I would choose you. Hands down."

Yeah, she's pretty cool.